June 10, 2010



So today I went dark. Some psychologists say that women make drastic changes for a reason. Not really sure what my reasoning is other than the fact that I am utterly sick of black roots and bleach blond hair. I'm not quite sure if I like it, but ultimately I don't care. Maybe I will be taken more seriously, ha!

On a more intimate note, as I was leaving for class this morning at 7am, yes I said 7 IN THE MORNING, I stood at the bottom of the stairs hoping Rowan would wake up before I left. I was conflicted between letting her be taken out of her crib by the babysitter or being late to class.
For almost 6 years I would have just been late. OK, let's be honest. I just wouldn't have registered for a class. But, today was different. Even though I stopped in my tracks and questioned myself, "why are you doing this, you should be home with her all day" I took a deep breath and reminded myself that this IS for her. And for Reese. And for Grant Jr. Hell, what if it WAS just for me solely? Is that so wrong? Like I said in my previous post, I am almost 30(double gulp) and aren't I too entitled to happiness ? The older I get the wiser I get. I know that we create our own happiness. We cannot look at ourselves as victims. "Oh, I got pregnant with Reese when I was in college and then it was too hard to go back." I am not a victim and neither are you. We choose our own paths in life and it is time that I stop feeling sorry for myself that I never finished what I started. So, here's to big mom on campus. I choose happiness. I choose strength. I choose respect. Even if it requires me pulling up my big girl panties and escaping from the kids for awhile.

R & G are still out of town. My heart aches for them. But my brain is saying, "HOLY SHIT BALLS, IT IS SO NICE AND QUIET AROUND HERE!"