secret infatuation.

My Dearest,
I wake up every morning thinking about you. My mouth quivers at the thought of you touching my lips, making my tongue ripple as you enter. You smoothly touch the top of my throat while tickling my whole body. You are so gentle as you flow down my throat and caress every inch of my insides as you go down. Your dark color and desirable texture is like no other. There is nothing that compares to you. I have tried others and I haven't seem to find the satisfaction as I do with you.
Oh Dr Pepper. You make this woman happy.

A woman's sense of self worth.

I don't have too many funny things to blog about today. Well, I mean, don't get me wrong. My whole life is humorous. From writing right now with mostly my left hand because I slammed the right one in the door at the vet's office to asking a homeless person for fifty cents so I could have enough money to pay the meter in the streets of Downtown Houston this morning so I could turn my assignment in. That was clearly a run on sentence but I consider myself a run on sentence so it suits this blog.

Rowan and Little G have been content at home with Amanda and Reese started camp today. So, I don't have too many good laughs to share with you about them. I think I have become immune to their weirdness so it isn't such a shocker to me when my daughter does things like spread Coco's legs and tell a complete stranger today at the vet's office "see, she is a girl."

There is this one subject lying on my mind lately and it is a woman's sense of self worth.
I have been a stay at home mom for the majority of the last 6 years. Yes, I became a broker and solely opened a real estate company while my kids were in Mother's Day Out, but I was there at 2pm to pick them up everyday. So, I can look back and say that, yes, being a mother is the most rewarding job I will ever have. But, as women we sometimes get lost in our children. We deserve something of our own. Google Faith Hill's "I Can't Do That Anymore."
I grew up in a family where we valued what God has given us. I do appreciate the fact that I can be a stay at home mother. I do appreciate that the good Lord has blessed me with three perfect human beings that I don't think I deserve. I do appreciate that I have a home. I have a decent SUV. But, I have sat in the corner and watched my husband become Mr. Successful. And even though I reached for the stars by opening my very own real estate business at 25 and in fact was successful at it, I still had two children at my feet Monday-Thursday after 2pm and all day Friday's. Between a marital separation and a big surprise pregnancy, I had to let my company go. But, what you aren't reading between the lines is that everything happens for a reason. I gained a sense of self worth when I owned Richardson Real Estate. But, God lead me down a different path. The numbers 714 lead me to The University of Houston and as odd as that may sound, I am proud to say that my great grandmother Lena is telling me to earn a degree and earn respect. Gain your sense of self worth again. So, here I am. Listening to my grandfather's mother whom I have never had the pleasure of meeting. Lena was a woman of great strength. She delivered and cared for her 10 children while grandfather George was in the fields working. She didn't have the opportunity to gain a sense of self worth. I do. I am not saying that every woman should seek a degree or they will never feel fulfilled. We all have our own needs and desires. We just have to attain the knowledge to seek it. The confidence we deserve.

So, ladies. Let's explore our opportunities and grasp what YOU want in life. Our children will not only benefit from our new found demand for respect but they will never forget that mom never let her aspirations go even when she was taking care of them. Find your inner superwoman, she is there.

how can I not mention this?

I have written about my 5 year old daughter being wise beyond her years so how can I not mention this?

While in Arkansas last week with my parents, my son, as I mentioned in previous post he likes to do, was telling one of his stories in the car. As the mother who hears these stories on a regular basis, I know that must have been a long car ride. My dad, who I must say loves my children more than his own life, simply said, "Reese, what would you do with a roll of duct tape?"
Now, I have been around many children as a substitute for a couple of years and then there was that ONE hour that I worked at a daycare. So, I know that her response confirms why I say she is way beyond her years. She said without any hesitant , "I'd put it over my brother's mouth."

Why is our perception so different? Never judge a book by it's cover.

This topic is clearly not funny but hopefully gives you a little insight about the real Kristen.
I recently had to write a discussion paper over "Popularity and Friends in adolescents" for my Human Growth and Development class.
As I was preparing to write, I asked a few friends their opinion on how it felt to be either "popular" or "unpopular." As almost 30 year olds it seems almost funny to discuss this. The truth of the matter is that popularity doesn't matter in the whole scheme of life. But, according to the required book for class, popularity becomes the center of a child's universe. As a parent, that statement is terrifying.

Through talking to some of my school aged peers, I have heard many of their different perceptions about me from school. Laura Gant sat on my floor and said, "I still ask myself when we are hanging out if I am really friends with Kristen Bredehoeft(emphasis on name)?

Now, if you know me...I mean, really know me, you know that I am not sharing this to brag. I have actually always had a very low self esteem. I am old(er) now and can unashamedly admit that. It wasn't until after having two children that I finally became comfortable in my skin. Yes, this is a reason I began modeling. See, from an outsiders view you may not have known this. People always just assume. I spent most of my life being told I was beautiful and never believing it.

But, I am sitting here shaking my head and laughing because outside beauty is incredibly overrated. INNER BEAUTY is what defines you as a person. Beauty fades. Breasts droop. Butts are too taken over by gravity. You cannot take beautiful hair to the grave. You can take a beautiful heart and although it took me way too long to realize that, I am glad I am at that place in my life.

So, when I am told by many friends that I "WAS very popular", "they wanted to be me" blah blah blah, I am almost flabbergasted. Actually, just a moment ago I was told by a dear old friend that they have NEVER seen me be shy. I may have been a cheerleader and comfortable in front of a crowd, but intimate conversations with unintimate peers was highly uncomfortable for me. I can remember distinctly walking in the commons not really knowing who to cling to. Why didn't anyone notice I was so shy? Instead, they coined me as "snob" and who knows what else.
My perception of myself was that I knew I was accepted by "the popular crowd" but I honestly didn't associate with them. You see, who was popular to me is different than who was popular to the next person. I was a train wreck in junior high and even more in high school. And college, well...we wont touch on that.

I guess what I am trying to say is that we all live in our own world of perception and it's almost unfortunate.

At almost 30 I can sigh and say that my life has come full circle. I only thought I was comfortable in my skin at 26 years old. At nearly 29 I may not like these new lines on my face but I am happy with who I am. I don't need anyone other than my maker's approval and I surely don't need to be told I am beautiful. But, if I was, I'd believe it now---because I do know that yes, I make mistakes, but my heart is beautiful and that is more satisfactory that any other beauty and some silly approval of popularity.

June 10, 2010



So today I went dark. Some psychologists say that women make drastic changes for a reason. Not really sure what my reasoning is other than the fact that I am utterly sick of black roots and bleach blond hair. I'm not quite sure if I like it, but ultimately I don't care. Maybe I will be taken more seriously, ha!

On a more intimate note, as I was leaving for class this morning at 7am, yes I said 7 IN THE MORNING, I stood at the bottom of the stairs hoping Rowan would wake up before I left. I was conflicted between letting her be taken out of her crib by the babysitter or being late to class.
For almost 6 years I would have just been late. OK, let's be honest. I just wouldn't have registered for a class. But, today was different. Even though I stopped in my tracks and questioned myself, "why are you doing this, you should be home with her all day" I took a deep breath and reminded myself that this IS for her. And for Reese. And for Grant Jr. Hell, what if it WAS just for me solely? Is that so wrong? Like I said in my previous post, I am almost 30(double gulp) and aren't I too entitled to happiness ? The older I get the wiser I get. I know that we create our own happiness. We cannot look at ourselves as victims. "Oh, I got pregnant with Reese when I was in college and then it was too hard to go back." I am not a victim and neither are you. We choose our own paths in life and it is time that I stop feeling sorry for myself that I never finished what I started. So, here's to big mom on campus. I choose happiness. I choose strength. I choose respect. Even if it requires me pulling up my big girl panties and escaping from the kids for awhile.

R & G are still out of town. My heart aches for them. But my brain is saying, "HOLY SHIT BALLS, IT IS SO NICE AND QUIET AROUND HERE!"

June 9, 2010

The house is so quiet it is almost deafening. Reese and Grant are on vacation in Arkansas with my parents. I am praying for the sanity of my mom and dad ;-) They are searching for diamonds at Crater of Diamonds State Park. My son promised me that he'd find one for me. My daughter on the other hand says she is going to find one and "sell it for a hundred thousand million dollars." I wished her luck with that and wondered if I should tell her that her plan is impossible, but isn't that the best part about being a child? It's all just like a fairy tale and I'll let her figure it out on her own.
Speaking of Reese, she is definitely not a five year old in spirit. She chooses the Discovery Channel and the Turner Classic Movie channel over Disney. She is determined that she is going to be famous and I tell her that I will support her in anything she does in life. As long as she is happy(and safe.) Have I mentioned that I am overly protective and I haven't slept in almost 6 years because I worry so much about my babies. But, ultimately it is all in God's hands so I pass my fears onto Him. While on the subject, Reese is in LOVE with God. She says that He loves her more than anyone in the world because He "made her" and as a mother I have to swallow my human pride and admit that "yes, but mommy is in a close second."

I am eagerly waiting to hear if the "Blue Bear" has yet to make his appearance in Arkansas. The Blue Bear is my son's imaginary friend. I am still not sure if he literally thinks his friend is physically with him, but either way, I run with it and even encourage the made up stories. Ridiculous as they all sound, Grant is expressing his imagination. I have heard countless stories about the Blue Bear. I think my favorite was that the "Blue Bear built his own house in the woods and hangs out with his girlfriend there." My least favorite story is how this imaginary friend supposedly taught Grant how to poop outside.

And then there is Rowan. Oh sweet Rowan. I am not sure why she is such a good child. You hear that "God gives us only what we can handle." and I think that He knew I needed a good natured baby. At this point she is not in the weird category that I have placed the other two in.
She is walking everywhere and I always find myself laughing at her bowed short legs struggling to keep an even pace. Her newest achievements have been saying "thank you" and pointing to everything in which is a very impressive fine motor skill. Although I'd love to keep making beautiful babies, I am 99.9% sure she is our last baby.

As for me, I am almost 29. I know that age is just a number but I am beginning to notice changes in my skin and this has led me to search for the fountain of youth. I wish I could just embrace these laugh lines because I have certainly enjoyed every laugh that put the lines there. I am now applying moisturizer twice daily in hopes of delaying the dreadful word AGING.
I still am uncertain about what I want to be when I grow up. I worked hard to become a real estate broker and I always want to keep my license and will probably be 80 years old in heels selling houses. But, I want more out of life. I want to make a difference on a daily basis in the lives of people I encounter. I want to hold a special needs child, love on them. Or be a councelor for a 16 year old who becomes pregnant, let her cry on my shoulder and educate her how life starts at conception.
But, I still have atleast 1 1/2 years before I will make my first official resume. Can I include "professional ass wiper for 6 years" on there?

This week may be a little boring with freak 1 and freak 2 out of town. But, I will try to entertain my followers (if I get any:)