change yourself. change your world.

I wish I was a little bit more mysterious but I am about as open as a book can be. When I am happy with a particular person, you will know about it. When I am happy with a particular activity, you will know about it.

So I don't think it's too much of a shocker to say that there are certain aspects of my life that are making me unhappy. But, I live by "we create our own happiness" and I am determined to be happy in all the ways possible. If I am happy than it will reflect on my children and therefore they will be happy. After all, everything I do ultimately is for them.

The old me would be smoking a pack of cigarettes right about now. But, remember that new found superwoman I have found? She led me to do something that I never imagined I'd be able to do. CrossFit. CrossFit has quickly became a lifestyle change for me.
Since my junior year in high school (yes, that was a very long time ago) I haven't consistently worked out. My idea of working out the last 11 years was a stair stepper with a dr pepper in one hand and texting every girlfriend I had in the other. I may look healthy and in shape but I am not.
I came to a cross road in my life and decided to take the route that I never would have taken before. The HEALTHY route. Whether it's CrossFit or deciding to never smoke again or getting rid of any unhealthy relationship in my life, I know that it's what's best for my kids and me.
You hear it all the time, but life IS too short to continue taking the wrong road. Stop thinking people are going to change. Change yourself and you can change your world.

Look past your front door.

As you may know, I put my my all into Seth's benefit. I can honestly sit here and say that I never have been more passionate about anything in my life. I truly wanted to raise money for his mother to give her less of a financial burden. Planning the benefit was not an easy thing. I had a lot of help but ultimately the entire event was based on my decisions. Yes, it was stressful but every time I felt overwhelmed, I'd look at my three healthy babies and thank God. Being Jennifer is stressful, not helping her from the sidelines.

The day of the benefit I was, well....you could say a little frazzled. The day that I had planned for over 2 months had arrived. My three kids were there, of course and I was trying to run the show while making sure my kids were safe. I wont name any names but a particular somebody decided to get completely drunk. Subsequently, I felt a lot of pressure to run the entire benefit's events AND keep an eye on my children.

After the benefit I was eager to count the donations that we had received. Now, here comes the defining moment in my life. I will never forget lying on the ground counting the money after an incredibly tiring two months of anticipation for this very moment. How much money did we raise? I was so very excited yet ultimately had no one to share it with. As I was counting the money I had to endure a lecture on how I should keep 10% of the donations for the work I had done from the drunk. Even writing this makes me want to vomit. After the SUPERWOMAN in me came out, the drunk left, I laid on the floor crying for hours. Obviously I did not make a profit off of my friend's son's benefit. What kind of person does that? A person that just defined a moment in my life.

On another note. I never got to meet Seth. Although, I have read about him and seen pictures for years on Myspace and Facebook. I do know that as a mother I cannot imagine what Jennifer has gone through. I hope I never have to. I know that she misses Seth more than any of us can imagine. Each day I pray for her strength.

The benefit brought me closer to a lot of people and it helped me see that there are incredible people in our community. Sometimes you just have to look past your front door to find them.

we are not so different you and I

I love my three children more than life itself. But, there is just something about the children at the homeless shelter that fulfills me. I have been seeing these children every month and when I am lucky, I get to see them on their birthdays too.
My own babies give me every emotion you can imagine, but the homeless children give me a more in depth feeling of appreciation.

I don't even know their names and they don't know mine. But, when I see them and they see me, we cling to each other. It isn't a hug I get from a friend or even my own children. The hug I receive from the homeless children is out of desperation, hope. They give me hope that I can be a better person and I give them hope that they have a future.

Sometimes at Cookie Night I see my volunteers laughing and interacting with the residents of the Star of Hope. At times I become an outsider and observe them laughing and hugging. You have no idea how fulfilling that is for me to share the love of these children with others. It is an utmost rewarding feeling.

You see, I proudly grew up in Corrigan. I wasn't a country club child nor do I have any negative feelings to those who were. Actually, many of my friends were. But, Grant only finds the importance of our children hanging out with those at the country club and not the homeless shelter. He actually blatantly doesn't like Cookie Night. I disagree with his reasoning. It is utterly encouraging to see my children playing with the children at the shelter. They are seeing how other people live and at just (almost) 6 and 4, Reese and Grant Jr have grasped the concept that they are so incredibly blessed. Money may buy nice things and make life easier but I am telling you right now that life is not about money and I never want my children to live that way. I want to raise them knowing that it is OUR job as parents, Christians, as humans, to be the salt of the earth. To give back. To love on children less fortunate. To be kind to everyone. After all, we are all fighting our own battles.

I want to tell the mothers at the shelter that "We are not so different, you and I." The color of their skin may be darker than mine. But, we bleed red. We breathe the same air. We have the same Father. We all cry, laugh, love, need, give. I am a very open person so I have no shame admitting this. But, as a single mother I cried on an apartment floor for hours not knowing how I was going to pay for bills. The difference between myself and the mothers at the shelter is that I had a place to go to. I have parents who welcome my children and me with open arms. These mothers do not. So, how can I not help them? I made a promise to myself that I will never be in that situation again (enter college degree here) as well as promising God that I will make it a life necessity to be there for the women who don't have that opportunity.

Lying on that apartment floor screaming for God was a defining moment in my life. It lead me to eventually finding my inner superwoman. And that has made all the difference in my life.

life is unknown but a mother's love is certain.

Two years ago I stood in Dominique's spot at KPRC Local 2 and read a teleprompter, thanks to a friend of mine who worked at the station. As I read the words, tears rolled down my eyes. I never really realized how much of an impact that moment would have on me. At the time I was somehow sucked into the LA scene and being told different things such as, "you have the face for Hollywood." I never wanted to be a model or famous. Just to make sure you read that correctly, I NEVER WANTED TO BE A MODEL or famous. Psychologists would have a field day with the reasons I acted upon any of that, but it doesn't matter to me. Since I was fifteen, I wanted to be a newscaster. I would literally turn down the volume and read the words the reporters were saying on the television for hours upon hours. I thoroughly enjoyed doing the morning news in high school for Broadcast Journalism class and even though I may not have been the best radio dj, I loved being Kris Kelly on 89.7 KACC. I attended the best college for Radio and Televesion, SHSU, and tears rolled down my face when I saw that Sam Houston statue as I pulled into Huntsville each time. I loved walking up that hill to class in the Dan Rather building. The building named after the man who grew up with my grandfather, Robert Bredehoeft. I had a letter typed out to Mr. Rather asking him if I could intern with him in NY. I never sent the letter. I fell in love. And that love led us to cohabitation, marriage, a baby and then two more babies. So, I mostly forgot about the passion I used to have for Broadcast Journalism. But, here I am. Almost 29 years old and hanging on to my youth with every inch of my mind, body and soul. And I am thinking back to two years ago when I sat in that newstation and felt this overwhelming sense of "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING MODELING, YOU SHOULD BE DOING THIS. " But, then I became pregnant. I am laughing as I say that because I am SO incredibly happy that I did. I love her so much and God sure has a sense of humor. But, here I am. Back in college. Maybe I won't ever end up on the news. Maybe that was just a fantasy dream. But, how can I ever live with myself if I don't get the degree and be on equal playing field as the others? Maybe I will finish school next year and decide that I do want to be a real estate broker the rest of my life. But, how will I ever know if I don't explore my options?

Reese is once again on vacation with my parents. I think they were mostly afraid she'd be mad that they went without her. I still owe her $100 for stealing the show after her recital performance. She ran to the front of the stage when dance was over and took a bow and blew a kiss. Like I said before, she will be on Broadway one day. And I will always be her biggest fan.

Little G's imaginary friend is now a female named Leah. She is his girlfriend and he says that the Blue Bear has a girlfriend too. Ultimately, I have witnessed my son transform into a guy that hangs out with his buddies to a guy who is interested in the ladies.

Rowan. Well, she is just a short little lady who looks like a midget with a huge rear end when naked. She was the missing piece of my heart. And I feel complete in the child bearing department. Well, maybe.