Writing is good for the soul.

CHANGES. I must say that change is a little harder than I remember. Is it the fear of the unknown that scares me? Letting go, moving on, starting over..... ?

Packing alone has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. Add three kids at your feet and it really takes it all to a different emotional level. Although, their occasional giggles put everything into perspective for me.

When did I become an emotional eater? I have eaten an entire batch of cookies, Reese's Pieces, Dr Pepper GALORE and Mexican food just today. Still no cigarette---- so what's a couple extra pounds that my mother begs me to gain anyway. And speaking of my parents(and my brother,)

I am just shaking my head in awe at their love and kindness. They make my kids and me a priority, therefore they will always be a priority of mine.

I have a lot to consider. A lot of decisions to make about the future for the kids and me. I am not sure what the future holds. But, I do know that I have three responsibilities and I owe it to them to be the best that I can be for them. This may be a defining moment in their life.

The kids and I visited the Star of Hope today. I have come to the conclusion that I drive that 25 minute drive every other day for a reason other than donations. Maybe I'm selfish for this, but it is a reminder to me. A reminder that I do have somewhere to go. A family that loves my kids and me. Two days ago I got into an in depth conversation with a male employee of the SOH, who lives at the men's shelter. He told me of his divorce and inability to find a full time job, therefore had no other choice but to reside at the shelter. I hugged him and told him that THIS TOO SHALL PASS and then I got in my car, with my three kids looking at me with their bright,hopeful eyes and I thanked God at that moment for my family. For accepting my change. For supporting my change. That man needs the Star of Hope for employment. Not me. I need the Star of Hope for fulfillment. And encouragement that I can be a better person.

I strive to be that better person. A better mother, sister, daughter, friend, and maybe one day wife. I am a sinner. We all are. And I am not going to write as if I have perfected any one of those titles. But, the next half of my life and there on out will be devoted to reaching that perfection. Someone once shared the "backpack theory" with me. At almost 30, I feel confident that I have wrapped my head around the meaning of the theory. I have three kids in my backpack. And anyone who is positive, supportive, loving, and encouraging can join them in my backpack. Anyone else is not a worry of mine.

I am done chasing pavements. I am done worrying about what I can't control and focusing on what I can.